10 Anxiety Inducing Thinking Styles—And What to Do About Them
Major Take-Aways:
Our minds are often dominated by patterns of thought, some of which are less helpful than others and may contribute to anxiety
This article is intended to summarize ten of the most common unhelpful thinking styles and to provide insight into how they can worsen your mental health
Strategies for mitigating, managing, and responding to these patterns of thinking are also discussed
What are unhelpful thinking styles?
Unhelpful thinking styles, more formally known as cognitive distortions, are habitual ways of thinking that often contribute to the worsening of anxiety. They can be thought of us as patterns for experiencing the world and our relationships that are inaccurate or over-simplifications of reality. Generally, these patterns are rigid and entrenched, and while they could skew our perception for the better, their effects on our thoughts and feelings tend to be negative.
These sorts of thinking styles to a degree are completely normal; in fact, some believe that there’s an evolutionary basis for them in ensuring our survival. We all use these thinking styles to simplify our lives and experiences. However, when we over-rely on them or they become sources for anxiety or depression, they may become harmful.
Let’s take a look at ten of the most common unhelpful thinking patterns— and what you can do about them.
The top ten unhelpful thinking styles
All-or-nothing thinking. All-or-nothing thinking is a way of thinking that generally lacks nuance. Sometimes called black-or-white thinking, it’s a way of interpreting situations and experiences that totally misses nuances and grey areas. For example, you might have the thought, “I need to do this perfectly, or I shouldn’t even bother.” Or you might think, “I can never make my boyfriend unhappy, or I’m a bad partner.” These sorts of beliefs can be deeply limiting and trap us between difficult extremes that may contribute to anxiety, relationship dissatisfaction, and procrastination.
Mental filter. Mental filter is one of the most classic unhelpful thinking styles and cuts to the core of them all. A mental filter is when we pay selective attention to certain types of evidence, while discounting others. For example, we may selectively pay attention to our setbacks or failures, while altogether missing our many accomplishments. This thinking style is especially pronounced among perfectionists and may underlie issues like anxiety, imposter syndrome, and attachment concerns.
Jumping to conclusions. This one is pretty self-explanatory: jumping to conclusions simply means taking a limited amount of evidence and extrapolating from it in ways that may not be consistent with the evidence at-hand. This can take two forms: mind reading, where we presume to know what others are thinking about us or a situation, and fortune telling, where we assume to know what the future holds. Both, when problematic, tend to be negative in nature, as when we assume others don’t like us (rather than assuming they’re obsessed with us). Mind reading in particular can contribute to social anxiety, and pessimistic fortune telling can be a symptom of depression.
Emotional reasoning. Emotional reasoning occurs when we assume that because we feel a certain way, what we think must be true. For example, we may feel suspicious that our partner is cheating on us, and despite any good evidence to this fact, we may begin to believe it’s true. Incrementally, this emotional reasoning may begin to sabotage the relationship. This thinking pattern can be especially challenging to examine more closely, as we run the risk of invalidating our feelings. The fact is, your suspicion might be valid, in the sense that it is a real feeling you are having, but what you take from it or what meaning you make of it may not be. It’s a hard balance to strike.
Labeling. I failed that test; I’m such an idiot! I made my partner upset; I’m such a bad husband! I got dumped; I’m such a loser! Labeling occurs when we assign a label to ourselves or others based on an occurrence or pattern of experience. Labels are subjective and interpretive, and for this reason can be distortions of reality. For example, imagine re-reading each of those statements and ending them with “I’m human” instead of with a negative label. Humans fail tests, disappoint their partners, and sometimes even get dumped, after all! The point is that the meaning we make of these realities will alter our perception of them— for better or worse.
Overgeneralizing. Overgeneralizing occurs when we extrapolate a pattern from a single event. For example, we might get pooped on by a bird on our way to work and think to ourselves, “Just my luck; I’m always the one who gets shit on!” These interpretations tend to be accompanied by absolutes like never and always. The truth is, nothing happens all of the time, but as humans, we see patterns when we look for them and we often seek evidence in support of our beliefs (ever heard of confirmation bias?) Overgeneralizing from a single experience can trap us in our misfortune and lead us to see patterns where they don’t exist.
Disqualifying the positive. This can be considered a form of mental filter but is worth pulling out since it happens so frequently. Disqualifying the positive is what it sounds like— failing to see positive or promising forms of evidence, whether in terms of things that happen to you or things you’ve accomplished. For example, you may fail a class and label yourself an idiot, despite having made it to college and having passed dozens of classes before. This style can be particularly pronounced when working on changes in your life, during which your perceived shortcomings may feel especially salient, and should be carefully managed so as not to undermine your efforts.
Catastrophizing. You’ve probably heard about catastrophizing, and that’s because it is so. freaking. common! It essentially means thinking of the absolute worst that can happen in a given situation. We all catastrophize at one point or another, so don’t be too alarmed if you notice this happening from time to time, especially during distressing periods in your life. However, catastrophizing is a form of pessimistic fortune telling, and for that reason is often unhelpful. We go, for example, from the experience of being ghosted by a lover to worrying that we are inherently unlovable, imagining ourselves alone on our deathbeds having lived a life of isolation and regret. How did we get there? Reeling this style of thinking in can be especially challenging but will significantly alter your state of mind.
Shoulds, musts, and oughts. A common saying we therapists have is that you might not want to “should” on yourself. More often than not, the shoulds, musts, and oughts in our lives are uninterrogated and rigid beliefs that in some way or another fail to serve us, at least some of the time. I shouldn’t text back within ten minutes; that’s desperate. I must have my dream job by 30 or I’m a loser. I shouldn’t feel this way. Well, who says you should or shouldn’t? The fact is that as adults, we are given the choice to direct our own lives; do you want to live one confined by these arbitrary rules?
Personalization. The final unhelpful thinking style on this list is personalization, which means taking responsibility or blaming ourselves for something that wasn’t our fault or wasn’t entirely our fault. We might, for example, blame ourselves for unlucky things that happen to us, despite them being entirely outside of our control. More commonly, we might take far too much responsibility for a failed relationship or other people’s emotions, like when a partner gets mad at us and we immediately feel guilty. Whatever the case may be, personalization is an easy way to feel like garbage and should be carefully managed. Yes, it’s important to seek feedback with which to grow into better versions of ourselves, but sometimes the best we can do is to accept that some things are simply outside of our control or not our responsibility to take.
So, what can you do about these unhelpful thinking styles?
Glad you asked! Here are a few steps you can take to begin getting these unhelpful thinking styles under better control:
Identify your particular pattern of thought. While we all use these unhelpful thinking styles from time to time, some of us are drawn to one or a few more than others. Do you find yourself routinely worrying about the worst outcome? Congratulations, you’re catastrophizing! Find it difficult to meet setbacks without the voice in your mind calling you names? You’re labeling. Notice yourself assuming that everyone around you hates you? You’re probably jumping to conclusions. Better understanding these patterns— and beginning to name and externalize them— can go a long way in beginning to better manage them.
Identify what triggers these patterns of thought. Just as it may be helpful to identify your specific style of thinking, it will be helpful to consider what triggers it. Are your styles of thinking specifically activated by setbacks in your relationships or at work? Do you notice them bubbling up in social situations, like at a party, and does it depend on whether you know other people there? Do they tend to show-up when you’re around family, a specific instructor, or your partner? Whatever the case may be, understanding these triggers can help you to better anticipate these patterns of thinking and choose to respond differently when activated. Persistent triggers may also point toward an underlying, long-standing issue that’s worth addressing in an ongoing way (e.g., in therapy).
Explore the evidence. The reason these styles of thinking can be so seductive is because they’re plausible, even if they’re not probable. Will some people dislike you? Yes, they will. Could you fail out of college? Yes, you could. Does it mean that your partner is falling out of love with you if they don’t text back immediately? Maybe!
The point is that while these are all possible, there’s just as much (if not more) evidence to point in the other direction. Think of yourself as an impartial judge putting whatever thought you’re having on trial. Your goal here is not necessarily to see only the positive (as this would be a form of all-or-nothing thinking) but just to explore the evidence on either side. You might want to ask yourself a few questions, like:
What is the evidence in support of this thought, and what other evidence could I present to counter it?
Is this thought 100% true, 100% of the time? What might I be missing?
Are there other ways of thinking about this? How else could I understand what’s going on?
What evidence do I have from my past that this thought is true, and what evidence might refute it?
Have I thought about the best case scenario? What would happen if things went well?
How likely is this to happen? Even if it’s possible, how probable is it really?
Can I really read people’s minds or predict the future? What might be a more helpful way of managing these worries?
What would a good friend or loved one say about it? What would be their interpretation of what happened and what it means? Alternatively, if a loved one was in this position, what would I say to them?
Develop alternative responses. After collecting all of your evidence, it’s time to shift your attention toward alternative responses to the anxiety-provoking thought. Remember, unhelpful thinking styles are seductive because they are believable, so your alternative responses should be too. If you’re worried about going to a party and being hated by everyone there, trying to make yourself believe that you’ll be the belle of the ball is likely to end in failure. However, you might believe something along the lines of, “If I go to the party, I might have an okay time. I might even meet some people, and if I get too anxious, I can choose to leave whenever.” See if you can just move the needle for now and progressively move it further over time. If you’re really struggling to come up with alternative interpretations on your own, you may want to dial in a friend, loved one, therapist, or trusted mentor for help.
Reflect on the original outcome and your desired outcome. Lastly, you’ll want to take stock of how these alternative interpretations can better serve you than your unhelpful thinking styles do. For example, if ordinarily when rejected by a lover you label yourself unlovable, you may find that this leads you to delete dating apps, become more fearful when dating, or engage in other behaviors that ultimately make it harder for you to find a partner. If, instead, you think to yourself, “That’s okay. I’m disappointed, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out and that may have nothing to do with me,” you’ll likely be ready to get back on the horse a lot sooner, feel less blue, and inch closer to finding a partner. Envisioning this more optimistic outcome can help keep you motivated in the face of challenging thoughts.
Ready? Set? Think!
Shaping our thoughts can be a daunting task, and taking on long-standing unhelpful thinking patterns may at first feel like taking on Goliath with a flimsy sling and stone. But those thoughts shape our reality, and while it may be challenging initially to begin to approach them in a new way, I’m certain you’ll find it worth the effort in time. Most of all, I hope you’ll do so with patience, compassion, and understanding, knowing that your efforts will be more effective when you’re on your own team. You and your thoughts deserve nothing less!
Feeling stuck and needing a little extra help in managing your unhelpful thinking?
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